The flight from Bahir Dar was then cancelled from under our noses so, no problem, we arranged road transport for $50 (the same price as flying but six hours longer and departing a day earlier)
Sporting a tiny hangover, courtesy of The Black Boy, we signed off the truck and embarked on the bus journey to Lalibela, home of famous medieval rock hewn churches. The Chinese had recently completed a sealed road so the journey was twice as fast as the previous year.
We ascended to about 4000m onto the central plateau, driving through spectacular green mountains high above fertile valleys. It was some of the most spectacular scenery either of us had seen. Zoe described it as Tolkein-esque.
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| Ethiopian countryside from Lalibela Monasteries |
The stalking abilities of the locals were as strong & creepy as ever. Several loo breaks were made unnecessarily difficult by locals staring at the girls while they peed.
Arriving in Lalibela , we checked into our hotel and were pleased to discover the rooms had possibly the cleanest toilets in Ethiopia. The touts were even more annoying than those in Addis. Approaching with the same lame lines, over and over and over:
Pest: "Hello! Remember me?"
Victim: "Nope."
Pest: "Yes. We met yesterday!"
Victim: "Oh yeah, I remember you. You're the pain the arse I've told to piss off five times already."
Pest: "You need guide?"
Victim: "No. Go away."
Pest: "You need hotel?"
Victim: "No. Get lost."
Pest: "You want drink?"
Victim: "No. Nothing. Go away!"
Pest: "I get you anything you want!"
Victim: "I want to be left alone. Goodbye."
Pest: "Ok. Give me money."
Victim: "#$!&@ off!"
But that wouldn't guarantee to be left alone. They'd often follow you into shops and restaurants demanding a commission from the proprietor for supposedly bringing them business (hence inflating the price). The other trick would be to follow a victim who is trying to get the best price and tell the highest ask price of the previous vendors to the new vendors. Suddenly haggling becomes alot more difficult as all the vendors know the 'Farangi' price being offered.
Lalibela is renowned for its churches. The churches are beautifully carved, inside & out, from huge monoliths, a single large piece of stone. It's absolutely incredible in terms of craftsmanship & engineering. Ethiopian legends say they were created by one man, St Lalibela (who also happened to be king). Whilst it appears that the person who oversaw this project had great vision and amazing skill, it's impossible that it could have been done by one man. Archeologists suggest that about 40,000 craftsmen and slaves were involved in the construction.
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| Bete Maryam Church, Lalibela |
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| The crew at Bete Maryam |
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| Bete Giorgis Church |
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| Mummified pilgrims |
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| Pre-European influence fresco of St George i.e. he's black |
The wonderful exteriors speak for themselves but the interiors were another matter. Shamefully, they were a diabolical mess. The original frescos were minimal which is to be expected over time, but the rest - carpets, curtains, artifacts etc were shabby and dirty. Religious items, ornaments and furniture were strewn or piled up in random fashion. Dodgy wiring & lighting hung precariously from walls & ceilings. In one church our guide was showing us an 800 year old wooden chest with a unique locking mechanism to deter would be thieves. It was a beautifully carved piece of furniture. Unmissable, however, was the fact that someone had jigsawed a hole in the front and installed a shoddy chipboard door. The guide told us that the current priest had decided the original lock mechanism was too difficult to use so "built his own hole". In other words, he was too lazy to use something properly, so decided to vandalise it.
The churches are definitely a highlight of Ethiopia. However, it's a shame that those charged with their care are so careless. Walking around Lalibela reminded me of a conversation Zoe & I had over beers with some young Syrian guys in Damascus. When we mentioned the amount of litter at some archeological sites, one said "The Syrian people don't deserve Syria". In other words, they are the beneficiaries of a tremendous natural & cultural inheritance and fail to appreciate that fact. Ethiopia & Africa, in general, suffers the same way. It's nothing to do with lack of money or education - it's sheer laziness on the behalf of people who know better, have the capacity to do better but choose not to.
The following day we drove a 100km loop through the beautiful countryside to visit two famous historical churches. The first, a 10th century marble cave church, impressive for its spectacular location, similarity with a modern mosques (including stunning iconoclastic artwork) and a pile of several thousand mummies (of pilgrims) stacked up in the corner of the cave. The girls were repelled by the grisly sight but the lads were macabrely fascinated; simultaneously taking lots of photos whilst feigning sounds of revulsion.
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| Bete Kirkos Cave Church |
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| Emperor's tomb, Bete Kirkos |
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| Mummified pilgrims, Bete Kirkos |
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| Priest with processional cross, Bete Kirkos |
The second church was carved from a single piece of rock in 570 AD and had been in continual use since. The priest was very excited to show us a bible allegedly from the time of constructing and two bronze crosses of equal antiquity. We cringed as the priest carelessly fumbled the crosses, clanging them together. He then produced the bible and flipped through the pages as if it were a pulp fiction novel. It was hilariously illustrated with recent Disneyesque cartoon icons. When I enquired as to the amazing state of the book our guide responded that it was one of the miracles of the church. Hmmm.
The guide then pointed out a beehive in a hole above the main entrance. It is considered as sacred with miracle producing honey. The priest offered us some honey which we ate as he appeared to bless us. Although I'm not sure if it quite worked. I think he might've cursed us.
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| 6th Century Axumite Church |
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| 1500 year old frescos |
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| Clumsy priest |
The following day we departed early for Axum, a 500km flight to the north. Eleven hours forty minutes later we arrived in Addis Ababa, 700km in the opposite direction. According to our pilot, Ethiopian Airways were "sorry for the ten minute delay and any inconvenience caused by it. The fact that we were eight hours and forty minutes late and 1200km distant from our intended destination did not seem to warrant a mention.
The flight was delayed out of Lalibela by two hours due to bad weather. "No problem.", we thought, "Delays happen.". Twenty minutes into a 35 minute flight we suddenly changed direction. Ten minutes later we were informed that, due to bad weather at Axum, we would be landing at Bahir Dar in another ten minutes. This surprised us as the weather was not all that bad from where we were and we were in a Canadian built Bombardier aircraft which could handle poor conditions. Our guess was that the airstrip could not be used in poor weather. Not good in the Ethiopian wet season.
To cut a long story slightly shorter, we landed at Bahir Dar, waited four hours, were assured, despite strong rumours that we would not be flying to Addis, departed again for Axum, circled over Axum, returned toward Lalibela, circled over Lalibela, flew toward Addis, circled over Addis for 90 minutes and, finally, landed at Addis. All the time we were given almost no information and I had to use the compass on my phone to determine exactly where we were going.
The holy honey had damned us.
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| Bahir Dar, the 2nd time |
Just prior to landing we were assured that an Ethiopian Airways representative would meet us to sort out our onward flights and other concerns. Naturally, nobody did. However, as seems to be the way in Ethiopia, after been let down by a multitude of people, one person went our of his way for us. Upon hearing our predicament, an embarrassed looking manager rebooked us to Axum the next morning and organised a four star hotel in central Addis, with dinner & breakfast and free transfers. Sorted.
The hotel was ridiculously plush and was beyond our expectations, as was dinner. We could help but compare the reaction of Ethiopian Airways with respect to our delay on an internal flight, and British Airways with respect to a major delay on an international flight and losing our luggage. Ethiopian did everything they could, BA did and still have done absolutely nothing.
Maybe we were blessed after all.
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| Luuuxury! Addis-style |
But the tide of Ethiopia is stronger than one man and it started to go downhill again. After a sleep interrupted by very loud hotel staff and the Ethiopian Nocturnal Furniture Arranging Championships, we woke at 5am for our 5.45am transfer back to the airport. As we gathered, bleary eyed, in the lobby we were informed that the airline had called at midnight and delayed our flight to 10am; the new departure time for the transfer being 7am. We trudged back to bed. When we arrived at the airport the airline staff informed us that we'd missed our flight, it'd departed at 7.45am.
They then proceeded to simultaneously argue that nobody had called the hotel, that we we weren't booked until the next day, that we would have to pay a penalty fare to change the flights etc etc. In the process they lost Jonno's passport for 10 minutes. Brilliant.
We stood our ground and insisted on a proper resolution. Once again, when we thought all was lost, a single person rose above the rabble and sorted the situation. They provided a chartered aircraft.
We finally arrived at Axum at midday.
Axum is famed for its ancient & Christian monuments. It is the most important pilgrimage town in Ethiopia, the site of St Mary Zion church which allegedly houses The Ark of the Covenant. Legend says that in 980BC, a fellow called Menelik, the son of King Solomon of Israel and local lass, the Queen of Sheba, went to Jerusalem & returned with the Ark hidden in his luggage. It has been housed at Axum ever since. Allegedly. Despite no independent verification and several invasions by resulting in the total destruction of Axum, it has apparently remained safe.
We were allowed to see the exterior of the chapel which holds the Ark but the only person allowed to see the Ark is a sole monk who is let into the enclosure as the lone guardian and only leaves as a cadaver.
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| Chapel allegedly containing the alleged Ark of the Covenent, Axum |
The other point of interest of St Mary Zion is the extensive treasury. Housed in a small museum, the collection contains crowns, chalices & crosses from each of the 265 coronations of Ethiopian emperors stretching back 1600 years. Intricately made of gold & silver and studded with precious stones, the items are utterly priceless. That are stored in glass cabinets with handles secured with...string. At least the crowns had string - there were golden umbrellas stacked helter skelter in a corner and an enormous pile of silver incense burners on a shelf. Two Dutch lads on our tour were so astonished they could not stop laughing.
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| St Mary Zion, Axum |
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| Byzantine art, St Mary Zion |
It was astounding as it was hilarious to see such priceless artifacts stored in such a manner. When Zoe told the guide of our amazement at the lack of security, he looked confused. "We have security now", he said, motioning toward a dozing octogenarian, slumped in his chair, armed with a walking stick.
Other highlights included huge stelae, carved granite monoliths, left as permanent reminders of the Axumite civilisation, several Axumite treasuries and the Queen of Sheba's excavated palace.
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| Pre-Christian Axumite stelae |
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| Axumite tomb |
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| The Queen of Sheba's Palace...allegedly |
The place is so full of unexcavated graves and treasure its ridiculous. As we left St Mary Zion, a hawker offered us a handful of 2000 year old coins for USD50. We declined, although Zoe was sorely tempted. A while later we asked our guide about the authenticity, he replied that the coins would be real; that when he was a student he would go digging on a nearby hill and sell his finds for enough money to pay for his textbooks and fees.
Up bright and early for the third day running, Ethiopian Airways showed consistent form; we were delayed for two hours leaving Axum for our 30 minute flight to Gondar. Then, as we approached Gondar in relatively good weather, I sensed a slight change in direction then noticed the bronze tinge of Lake Tana beneath us: we were on our way to Bahir Dar. Again.
The holy honey had definitely cursed us.
Sensing another unscheduled trip to Addis, as we disembarked Zoe demanded that they unload our bags and let us complete the journey by road. Several other passengers did likewise. The airline staff not only ignored us but placed a security cordon between the departure lounge and the tarmac, and stood around the plane, effectively hiding from their passengers. Zoe, Heather & a Spanish passenger tried unsuccessfully to convince security to let them speak to the airline reps. Then, suddenly, an Ethiopian Orthodox bishop, armed with a large crucifix, walked straight through the cordon, toward the airplane. Zoe asked security why he was permitted when they weren't. The reply was priceless.
"He is a divine holy man. We cannot stop him."
It was like a red rag to a bull. Led by their Spanish friend, Zoe & Heather pushed past the grasping hands of security and onto the tarmac. Security caught up with them only to be thwarted by about 40 Ethiopians who, encouraged by the actions of the Farangi, poured out of the departure lounge and joined the invasion. Meanwhile, I sat quietly in the lounge reading a book and grinning to myself.
At the sight of the angry mob, the pilot descended from the cabin and asked Zoe what the issue was. Following a brief explanation the pilot ordered ground staff to unload luggage for whoever wanted it and remove them from the manifest.
Someone should give the man a gold star.
After haggling with some extremely annoying & dishonest touts, we were crammed into a minibus and, 3 hours later, delivered to our hotel in Gondar.
The next few days were spent eating, drinking, hiding from the torrential rain, watching the Wallabies get led over a cliff by the NZRFU's special double agent, and counting down the hours for our departure to Sudan. We didn't even visit the castle at Gondar - unheard of for someone like me who loves history; we simply didn't want to deal with the locals, particularly the touts.
Before we started this trip, Ethiopia rated as the country I looked forward to the most. While there were plenty of positives - the scenery is beautiful and we learned a great deal about some amazing and obscure cultures - I'd rate it as the country I've enjoyed the least. Zoe concurs. Many of the problems had their genesis in or were exacerbated by the weather, so I'd recommend to anyone thinking about it, to definitely avoid Ethiopia in the wet season. All destinations have their drawbacks and potential problems. The issue with Ethiopia is that, in general, the behaviour of the locals did not help to make our experience better, particularly when problems did occur. While I truly think that it is mostly a problem with those people in Ethiopia who work in tourism or simply prey on tourists, the almost universal treatment of tourists as an object of curiosity is so bad it's dehumanising. Touts, pickpockets, bad customer service & poor hygiene can be part and parcel of travel - even in extreme cases such as this. Staring at a woman who clearly wants and needs privacy to pee (it happened alot) is simply disgraceful and reveals of lack of basic human decency.
Experiences on this trip have led me to subscribe to the view that European colonialism was the best and worst thing to happen to Africa. For Ethiopia the rule holds except, having never truly been colonised, the inverse is true.
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